Bare Breath: 9 Days of Going Inside

Hello, everyone.

This July I did a nine day meditation course at Dhamma Dhara, a Vipassana Meditation Center in Shelburne, Massachusetts. Jenn was kind enough to invite me to write a guest post so I will do my best to give you the broad strokes. I don't think any other single experience has left me with so much new understanding.

The power in this type of course is that it builds on faith in and intellectual/book learning about meditation and adds a new layer of experiential learning. The way our teacher explained it, we were learning on the deeply physical, unconscious level as opposed to the spiritual or mental level. There is something groundbreaking about learning something in your body; it was like no education I had ever received before.

The core truth of the practice is that wisdom comes from accepting impermanence. The course was a slow deliberate sequence of anapana (breath awareness), vipassana (body sweeping that uses breath awareness), and metta (spreading love and gratitude, which Jenn has a post about). Each day's work built on the previous day's. I was so inspired, as a teacher, by how well scaffolded and well structured the course was, as I needed all the practice that it allowed for before moving on to the next step.

We were instructed to stay silent for the entire nine days, not even making eye contact with others. We were allowed to talk to an assistant teacher during noontime interviews, which was a crucial time for me, since I had anxiety and questions. One of my major questions was why we weren't allowed to write things down. I am a compulsive journal keeper and note-taker. That's "how I learn", I thought. Plus: I was having some of my most creative ideas in recent memory! But my teacher urged me to refrain from jotting down my thoughts, as every time I did I would prematurely "come back up to the surface" after all the efforts to go so deep inside. Since we were essentially cleaning out our interior, it made sense that creativity was flourishing... but she assured me that same process of "cleaning" would still work back at home once we returned to our lives (and pen and paper).

Although at first I wondered indignantly why the place felt like a rehab center when we were not in fact in recovery, I realized rather suddenly on day two or three that we were in fact recovering. We are all addicts. I am so addicted to certain thought patterns that lead to my unhappiness. Meditating for twelve hours a day (!) for over a week was probably the only way to see these old habit-nests for what they are and begin the process of letting go and accepting reality. I see my experience in three parts: I was so uncomfortable for the first three days; for the middle three days, I was so interested in what was happening; and the final three days brought a blissful peace I have never felt before.

I cannot recommend a course through this organization enough (there are locations all over the world; check it out). Early on it had scary, what-am-I-doing-here moments, but by the end I knew that I had benefited from its structure and discipline. I would urge everyone to get themselves to a course like this no matter what it takes. You will be thanking yourself (and the teachers you meet there) for the rest of your life.

Breath, Not-Breath Moments

"We spend most of our time caught up in memories of the past or looking ahead to the future, full of worries & plans. The breath has none of that "other-timeness." When we truly observe the breath we are automatically placed in the present moment. We are pulled out of the morass of mental images into the bare experience of the here and now. In this sense, the breath is a living slice of reality. A mindful observation of such a miniature model of life itself leads to insights that are broadly applicable to the rest of our experience."

~Bhante G.

The next time you take that one seat for meditation, try out this simple practice...first anchor your attention on the breath, right in it, fully. Now, as if the mind and heart are a blank page, an empty space begin to note what appears in this space, the experiences that take you away from the breath attention.  With as much vigilance as you can muster, notice the moments you are distracted from the breath as "not-breath" moments. You can start to be really conscious of just identifying the distractions from "breath" as "not-breath."  As you find stability and confidence in making this distinction you may begin to take time to see what the experience is: thoughts or images? Is it related to the breath, a physical sensation, a sound, close by or further afield? Do not get caught up in anylizing or elaborating on the experience, you are simply beginning to experience the actions of the mind, discovering the nature of mind. 
When you feel scattered, overwhelmed, sleepy, restless or bored, ramp up the attention to the breath, narrow the focus and really feel it's sensation in the body. As the mind stabilizes and calms you may then be more mindful of the "not-breath" moments either in a narrow sense or in their broader identifications.  Either way, allow yourself time to come back over and over to the breath and see what unfolds!

Clarity and Peace
Jenn

R.A.I.N. & the Hindrances

“Acceptance. . .simply means that you have come around

to a willingness to see things as they are.”

~Jon Kabat-Zinn

Hello friends and yogis!

In seated practice we are currently encouraging you to work with 2 skillful means that address the sometimes challenging moments presented by your thoughts and emotions...these two practice elements —R.A.I.N. & the Hindrances will help you to turn towards that which is occurring in present moment time and allow for a greater degree acceptance around these experiences, shedding light on the truth that exists here and now. In addition to an explanation of these practices there is a focus for mindfulness in daily living this week. 

Enjoy your practice.

R.A.I.N.
R: Recognize
A: Accept, Allow
I: Interest, Investigation
N: Non-identification-letting go: “Not me, Not mine, Not who I am”
THE HINDRANCES
1) Restlessness (worrying, remorse, agitation)
2) Sloth & Torpor (sleepiness, boredom)
3) Sensual desire (wanting, craving, wishfulness)
4) Aversion (anger, frustration, irritation, resistance, fear)
5) Doubt (& Fear)

While you are still focusing on (and returning to) the breath, you are allowing for greater awareness of what draws you away, particularly the emotional quality of what draws you away. We are NOT interested right now in the story. Instead, allow yourself to briefly explore the texture of your felt experience (where in the body you feel the emotion, its weight, its breadth, its changing quality) and then let it go and come back to the breath. Remember to honor the hindrances as guests, welcome them with kindness—we aren’t denying or pushing them away but we also aren’t letting them decide who we are, or to take over our house and run the show.

HOME PRACTICE Play with these techniques, Maybe in one sitting you commit to using the R.A.I.N. technique and in another you bring some particular awareness to what Hindrances are showing up for you. Or you might loosely integrate them into your practice, intentionally bringing acceptance and interest to your aversion or restlessness, etc. Note: The anchor of your meditation is still the breath

-For those of you who are new to meditation, try 5-10 minutes of practice a day
-For those of you with an established practice, focus this week on really grounding your practice in some way— committing to a specific length of time, strengthening your intention as you sit or filling the gaps in the regularity of your practice.
Mindfulness in Daily Life: Sound
Whenever you can (whenever you remember!) notice whatever sounds are present. Hear the tone quality, the loudness, softness, continuity, sharpness, dullness, roundness, even the silence underneath. Notice the sounds of walking, eating, cooking, breathing, going to the bathroom, computer keys clicking, voices, wind, cars, birds, plumbing, whatever it is. And of course, notice when there's a mental story or judgment about the sound; whenever there is, meet it for a moment with curiosity and acceptance, and then come back to the physical quality of the sound itself. If you find yourself caught up in an emotion, a personal drama or any kind of mental gymnastics during the day, come back to the simple experience of the actual sounds arising in that moment. Enjoy!

AWARENESS OF BODY & SENSES

“As we sit still, our shoulders, our backs, our jaws, our necks may hurt. Accumulated Knots in the fabric of our body, previously undetected, begin to reveal themselves as we open. As we become conscious of the pain they have held, we may notice feelings, memories, or images connected specifically to each area of tension...we can bring a open respectful attention to the sensations that make up our bodily experience” ~Jack Kornfield

 
Explore practice with a concentrated focus on the BODY as a field of awareness, rife with sensation, tension & release. Try to allow whatever is arising to move through you without intervening.  Let your attention drop beneath the surface of “pain” & “tension”. With mindful attention, you can become aware of the “pains” of your existence without adding to that tension. Begin to explore & to examine each sensation, discovering the myriad nuances those experiences are made of. As you become quiet & still with strong sensation, layers appear & diversify becoming pinpricks, pressure, tugging, throbbing, pulsing, burning, cool, heavy, etc. Suddenly the area surrounding these “pains” is revealed too, inside fiery & pressurized outside surrounded with contraction & tension. These may also be colored by aversion, anger, anxiety & desire and tagged with attitude/commentary like “ I wish this would end”, “it’s always like this” “ just my luck” “ arrrgghhh” and so on. The healing is in our acceptance and the first step is to look and see! Sustained awareness in all 4 foundations of mindfulness is powerful, it is always healing and opening.

Also, while intentions are important, this quote from Larry Rosenberg cautions about goals...

"It is important to emphasize, in discussing the art of meditation
(and the practice as you continue becomes an art, with many subtle nuances), that you shouldn't start out with some idea of gaining. This is the deepest paradox in all of meditation: we want to get somewhere -- we wouldn't have taken up the practice if we didn't - but the way to get there is just to be fully here. The way to get from point A to point B is really to be at A. When we (meditate) in the hope of becoming something better, we are compromising our connection to the present, which is all we ever have."

So, in this practice, you are asked to hold an apparent contradiction -
the willful effort of showing up with your best intention and the letting go of all expectation...give it a shot, for 3 breaths for 3 minutes for a half hour!

MINDFULNESS IN DAILY LIFE
As we begin a seated practice, it is important to remember that meditation is in service to an awakening in our daily life. In focusing on bodily sensations this week, look for physical sensations in all the "between" moments of your life. Whenever you notice, ask yourself what sensations are present and feel them: the warm water in the shower, foot sliding into a sock, hot coffee on the tongue, hand reaching for the brass doorknob, derriere on the car seat, fingers on the keyboard, etc. Mindfulness is about intimacy with the present moment - allow yourself the luxury of really feeling what it's like to be an animal body. Don't worry-- it's not about being there in every moment! Even remembering to notice just a few times a day will begin to strengthen the continuity of your practice.

Love Life, Live Life, 

Be Kind, Be Well

Jenn

KIndness is Paramount

Hello hello!

In the spirit of gentleness here is a nudge towards a sitting practice: 

In order to accept ourselves fully 

we must first look and see who we are.

You might try creating a new habit of practice by choosing a time/place in your day, perhaps upon waking,  just before you eat lunch, or after you brush your teeth at night before bed, where you sit on a cushion or chair and become present to the breath for 3-5 breaths, followed by a moment of joy for having taken the time to tune in and then go about your day or evening. Slowly extend the number of breaths to minutes and voila! before you know it you have a bonafide meditation daily practice!

"Be Gentle with yourself.  Be kind to yourself. 

You may not be perfect, but you are all you've got to work with.

The process of becoming who you will be begins first 

with total acceptance of who you are."  

~Bhante G